2021 - The blog with no name

 Things I am going to try not to talk about Being a vegan  Yorkshire puddings My weight My job My views on mumming, smug mums, yummy mums or other types Being a member of clubs that rhyme with Wlimming Sworld Anything that involves berating my long suffering husband DISCLAIMER - All of the above is a lie - I just wanted to lull you into a false sense of security... For those of you foolish enough to actually read anything I write in my addled state (see I drank a 1/5th of Vodka dare me to drive?) We went to a birthday party today - yes another bloody one. Now I did learn from the last one in that I accidently on purpose didn't tell the small person until today at the very last minute - once again party time falls in nap time - but hey 2 hours of peace sleeping / napping or bonding with kids = two hours of peace either way. Husbeast and I have an agreement - I'll go to the bloody parties and fake enthusiam so long as he agrees to drive us so we arrive late and accidently pick u...

 Well, here we are again, probably need some disclaimers so hold fire while I make some up... 1) I am a vegan and there is a strict vegan code that says I have to tell you about it every 5 minutes in case you have forgotten - yes I know it's annoying and repetitive but being a vegan (for the first 18 months possibly more) is like the first time you find a new food thing that you are obsessed with - Like the first time I found bacon bits was a thing at the Harvester (other food outlets are available) I had to have bacon bits on everything and tell everyone else about them at every opportunity - my friends, random strangers in the street, in the middle of professional meetings, whenever anyone was eating anything without bacon bits... well you get the picture.  It's no different to when Madam C found out she could click her fingers (something else she doesn't get from me) and she must show us 7 bazillion times a day even though we just bloody saw it and made appropriate proud...

Right before we begin let’s start with the disclaimers and the hard truth...  Fact 1 - So that I don't get sued - I am not endorsing or un-endorsing any weight loss group that I choose to be a part of, that you do or that anyone else does. Any resemblance a group that may or may not rhyme with wlimming sorld is purely coincidental - OTHER GROUPS ARE WIDELY AVAILABLE Fact 2 - I have previously (or not) been a member of Wlimming Sorld and reached something that rhymes with SARGET. So, the plan works - you know if you eat meat and consume a lot of *INSERT BRAND NAME HERE* yoghurts - proof that it does indeed work Fact 3 - In case you didn't know - I went Vegan for a dare for a month 18ish months ago (at the time I did not understand the loss of Yorkshire puddings which previously were about 2 *rhymes with* lyns) Fact 4 - There was a pandemic - I put on all the weight that I had lost plus a stone Fact 5 - I really really really miss Yorkshire puddings - to the point I get very angr...

 Let’s start with a disclaimer and acknowledge we are in the middle of a heatwave, as previously discussed I'm an angry possibly menopausal vegan woman of a certain age, frankly that title was the best I could do under the circumstances... Having survived the previous BBQ where I had to pretend to be a yummy mummy, I've had to face the inevitable return to work - in a heat wave where none of my clothes fit and that ones that do make me look like an overfilled sausage, really not a look that says very serious professional but more forget the pandemic shield your eyes from the horror before you.  Speaking of which Freedom Day - interesting that I feel like I did at the beginning of the pandemic where people are giving me odd looks that I'm still wearing a mask in public - this might also be the overfilled sausage look but I'm blaming it on the wears a mask thing. I've reached the stage where you do you and I'll do me in regard to covid, wear a mask, don't ...

 DISCLAIMER - I have attempted to highly edit my actual thoughts in case it turns out I am in fact a total bitch and we end up being friends in real life - in which case my disclaimer is invalid because this is who I am... Firstly which you would think by now I would know better (I don't) never tell a child in advance about any potential fun that might be happening that day... since 6am this morning all I heard was is it party time, is it party time, is it time for the party, are we going to the party... well you get the jist. I'm not a morning person, I am not an incessant questions person (unless they are my own) and I really don't understand the need to pack everything we own into bags. I wrangled with the small person who attempted to do the previous, apparently we need to take her whole wardrobe, every toy she owns and all the other crap she thinks is important to go to a party. There may have been a minor falling out when I finally reached its too fucking hot and I...

 Oh god - it happened  - my child hit 4 and bloody made friends - I'm not gonna lie the pandemic had its positives - you know exactly what I mean, not having to do play dates, or mum friends or social interaction with people who the only thing you have in common is the fact you pushed a small person out of your intimate areas - or got them sky lifted if you are too posh to push. (I've done both so no criticism here) We apparently have to go to a birthday BBQ tomorrow - now I'm not going to lie when I foolishly accepted (its a lockdown I lost my mind ok?) I was thinking that just like motherland it would be a drop and run job but OH Hell no... apparently in the 17 years of being a parent pre said 4 year old the world has changed - if you accept this offer then you are commiting to being on site.... fuck me - I gotta socialise with people I don't know at a BBQ - now if you didnt already know which I talk about a hell of a lot I'm a very angry vegan (Not angry about an...