Christmas holidays - All the positivity I can manage - SPOILERS (its not a lot)

There are many reasons I have not updated this blog - the main being that by the end of a teaching and apparently boss role day, that I have to come home and parent - which I'm not so good at and then I have to feed the people in my house (mum you don't need to input here you will get your credit later on) and then find the effort to carry on until bedtime.

I'm into year 2 of running a course that someone thought I had the skills to do and I am still suffering from imposter syndrome, in my head I am still 21 and making my way in the world, what do I know about anything and how in the hell do I take responsibility for a whole degree program? I forget all the stuff I know from experience and the stuff that teaching has taught me. Any teacher that tells you they know what they are doing and can predict classroom behaviour is at the very least a liar. Things being an educator has taught me include:

1. Lesson plans make your bosses happy but actually have no real application when teaching a class
2. Teaching students at any level will always produce the same kind of questions your 4 year old will ask you
3. Some times you are out of touch
4. You can tell students to read but they don't
5. Students secret super powers are that of complete derailment

In other news I have clearly not formed any kind of attachment (cheers Bowlby and Ainsworth) with my youngest child who calls for daddy at every given opportunity. And while I am in all in favour of smashing the patriarchy and changing the gender roles more than 55% (of which I tell my students not to use statistics) of my self is still experiencing bloody mum guilt despite breast feeding the beast for 18 months of her life. Meh I have all the feelings on this which makes this as usual a self indulgent post but I am nothing if not honest.

I could rant and waffle for at least another 5000 words but in the words of my middle child "ain't nobody got time for that" so here are the key points - make of them what you will

• Vegan Yorkshire puddings continue to evade me - and yes you know who you are I might actually break on the stubborn I'm a vegan because you said I couldn't just for this fact alone
• I have 4 months of contraceptive pills left and despite saying 1 year ago I wasn't going to take them anymore (and clearly lying) I mean it this time - year 2022 is the year of the SNIP
• I am not a mummy mum or a girly mum or a playground mum, I don't do play dates and I don't know the names of my kids class and I am probably going to send her in uniform on non uniform day - I can make peace with this without joining a WhatsApp group - I am spoiled and have a Nonna and a husband for that shit
• I might sometimes be okay at what I do
• Brussel sprout soup is a terrible idea but I am stubborn so I am going to insist otherwise
• My house is too small and I might finally concede to a declutter al la Stacy Solomon's sort your life out
• I still fancy my husband (don't tell him)
• I'm still awful at self presentation _ I don't style my hair or wear make up - this is never going to change
• you can still cut me open (although please don't) and I would say social worker all the way through just like a stick of rock
• If I ever called you a friend - even if we don't talk know that I happily and proudly name myself as herpes - I keep coming back
• My mother is my best friend even if she has developed this new habit of telling me about all of her health conditions while giving me a bollocking about the state of the dishwasher / kitchen /house while making me "sort my life out"
• I might be a new mother in terms of this new generation but school and dance plays still make me weep like a baby

Thats all for today...........